Heart Image &
Heart Broken Pictures
Recently, I went to court to support a loved one in obtaining a protective order. Although, she's no longer dating this person (it was over 2 years ago), this person has resorted to stalking. As I was sitting and listening to the various horror stories of the female victims, I got this revelation: at least a third of the guys out there are
LUNATICS! Some of these women had been chased with guns, had suffered miscarriages due to beatings they received, and had been mentally and physically scarred by those professing to love them. My friend's stalker hasn't done anything as drastic. He has, however, driven by her church, her workplace, and written her letters.
He's delusional. To all my ladies out there..remember that love doesn't hurt! To all my male readers: if someone doesn't want you anymore, just move on! There are other fish in the sea. Besides, violating protective orders results in either your imprisonment or a deathwish. I know too many women who'd had enough and protected themselves and their families at the highest cost (to their tormentors). This is a repost. Enjoy and reflect....
Ten Reasons Why He Ain't "The One"
It's a new year and I've had time to reflect on a few things. I've heard about and experienced dating 'disasters' that could have been avoided. Just the other day, a good friend of mine was nearly inconsolable over the demise of her long-term relationship. At first I thought she was going through a seasonal depression. However, after reminiscing longer, I realized that she and I had both played this scene various times. So, right then and there, I helped her to resolve to date better, live better, and most importantly, love (herself) better. I know that no one can make another grown-up do anything. I do believe in leading by example, though. Hopefully, she (and every woman who reads this) will finally realize that we must be true to our own selves, first. I may be single, but I'm in no hurry to rush into a relationship where soul ties are harder to break. Here you will find several indications to why he ain't "The One". There are many reasons why we (women) settle..especially when it comes to relationships. Life is too short to live it in mediocrity. Everyone deserves a bit of happiness. Practice, indeed, makes perfect.
My mantra: Live 2011 to my fullest...I hope my readers will, too.
1. He says he loves you, but you (or your kids) have to wear long sleeves to hide the bruises.
First, it began with him being a little overly protective. You thought it was cute. It progressed to a push or shove here and there. You chalked it up to his being frustrated. Next, he slapped you! Get my point, yet? You cannot change another person! Even his ex-girlfriend advised you that he was 'physical' with her. And you thought she was just hatin'....really, now????!!!
Loser Image &
Loser Pictures
2. You're working 3 jobs while he stays home playing video games (or watching tv).
Yeah, I knowwwww. He was laid off (6 months ago). Yet, each time you give him a job lead or classifieds sections of the newspaper, he shrugs it off, says that he doesn't have bus fare or clean clothes to get to the interview. Or he needs to stay near the phone in case his former job calls him (because he doesn't have a cell phone and they can only get in touch with him via the house phone). Worse still, he AND his buddies have been at your house ALL day. BTW..are you ready to start dinner because he's starving?
3. He's over the age 25 and still has no valid profession.
He's barely high school educated. He got his GED 2 years ago. (I'm not knocking GEDs. Education is fundamental). He doesn't want to go to college because he 'doesn't want to be around kids'. He's had various construction jobs and fast food jobs in the last 5 years.
4. He blames the world, the man, and you for his failures.
He has weekly rants about how unfair the system is, how the MAN has held him back, and his momma shoulda raised him better. Really, now? First, he's a high school dropout. Second, he has served some time for 'youthful indiscretions'. Third, he DOESN'T want to go back to school. Fourth, his momma was a single parent with 4 kids. Each one of his siblings graduated college and are professionals, making money, AND taking care of momma! Doesn't he realize that one's own self is the greatest obstacle to any challenge?
5. He owes so much back child support that you'll both be collecting SSI before he's in the clear.
When you met him he told you he had a child. Fact is, he has 6 kids (under 18) with 3 different women. Go figure....sista, you should be running for the hills as you read this!
6. He stays with or in his parents basement (and he's not a student).
When he's not staying with you, he has an open reservation at momma's house. Just in case you start trippin'.
7. He has a drinking, smoking, or drug problem (that he can 'kick anytime').
You said that you didn't want a smoker or drinker or drug addict. He makes a beeline to the beer aisle as soon as you get to the grocery store. He asks you for money for bus fare. Yet, you find out that he spent it on beer or cigarettes. You or your child have asthma. Yet, he continues to smoke around you. Didn't the Christmas breakfast of Grey Goose and Smirnoff tip you off to his problem? I guess not...
8. Your family and friends see negative changes in you.
You seem distant to your friends and family. You don't attend family functions or outings with your friends anymore. You missed your high school reunion because HE was sick! You're always depressed and despondent.
9. You have compromised (or always compromising) your core values to be with him.
You're always giving him money. And you never thought you'd have to take care of a grown man! You lie and make excuses for his behavior. You don't even attend church like you used to. You've lied to his PO about his whereabouts last week. Need I go on???
10. He embarrasses or berates you in public (this can be grouped with #1) or is constantly finding fault in you.
He got really loud with you at the grocery store. He called you fat in front of his friends. He's constantly making suggestions that you need to wear make-up or lose weight or cook better.
(Next entry will include more reasons....stay tuned!)
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